“We’re supposed to lose our friends to time, at an age when we’re ready to agree to the terms of having lived a long life. Not now.” – John Mayer
I’ve been glued to the computer since I found out almost four hours ago. I’m reading every article as it’s posted in an attempt to make any sense out of this. Nothing makes sense. I wish I had something profound to say but I can’t find the words.
I wish I could have told him he was loved, that his life was worth this battle. That the lesson is in the struggle, not the victory. That he could make it out, that he could live to tell. That he was not alone.
I remember picking up a magazing shortly after the crash and reading this: “I’m 34 now, and it’s been nine and a half years since I’ve had a drink or taken drugs. But every day I have to remind myself that no matter how much time I have behind me, I’m still a drug addict. At any given moment, I’m five seconds away from walking up to someone, grabbing their drink out of their hand and downing it. And if I do that, within a week, tops, I’ll be smoking crack. So even though I have this crazy fabulous life, I have to hold on to the ground, gripping the grass with both hands.”
I remember his words breathing life into me and giving me hope as I struggled with my own addictions. Nine and a half years. Had he received some sort of miraculous cure? Obviously not. He still struggled. But his struggle didn’t turn into defeat.. Nine and a half years. I want to be able to say that someday. But when I reach that point where I feel like giving in again, I hope I can look to my sides to find my friends standing there holding my hands. We’re all broken people but we don’t have to remain that way. We can dig ourselves into community to put the pieces back together. We have to learn to lean on each other. LOVE… it sparks community which in turn saves lives. LOVE… After all, it’s all we’ve got.
“That guy was a walking miracle.” Adam Goldstein, I’m sure I speak for the rest of the world when I say you are loved and you will be missed. There’s a party going on in heaven tonight and you’re spinning as Michael Jackson moonwalks across the dance floor. God sure is smiling. And you… you’re finally free of the demons that haunt you.
– Brittny xo