“I’m not going to appease you by becoming someone other than who God intended me to be.”

One of my dear sisters posted the following note on Facebook recently.  I thought it could potentially help someone struggling with being happy with who they are.  Remember, your life is a blessing.  Period.  No, if’s, and’s, and but’s about it.  This sister is such an inspiration to me.  She’s helped me through some of the darkest periods of my life and I’m so proud of the person she has become.  To anyone who stumbles across this blog, know that YOU are a child of God and He doesn’t make any mistakes.  Your life is always worth this battle.  – ❤ Brittny



Dear… whoever stumbles upon this little note:

 

It’s been some time since I’ve written any sort of thought down, so please excuse my excessive rambles. I haven’t had much time to sit down, be with God and breathe lately, so while I have the time let me catch up with the world revolving around me. This past year has been full of so many uncontrollable emotions that I can’t even begin to convey. A year ago to the day I was in such a different place. But that’s what life is, no? It takes you from one place to another.

Well, last year my life was seemingly different and I was on a complete opposite path than the one I walk today. I had my heart broken pretty badly, and when I didn’t think I could pull through it was God, the Faith I have in Him, the love and support of my family and best friends who have brought me out of the darkness and have helped me to discover who I really am. I became destructive before I hit rockbottom, but I’ve changed my outlook on life and my priorities. My family, my friends and the people that surround me. The world and how it works. In the past I’ve been known for trying to please whoever I’m with by becoming who they want me to be, or what I think they expect of me. But why change? Why put on a show? It’s not worth it. From here on out I promise myself I’m going to be who I really am… I’m not going to pretend anymore that it’s not me and those who choose to accept it, will and I’d hope they’d tell me, and those who don’t can pack up and move on because I’m not going to appease you by becoming someone other than who God intended me to be.

So, to stifle the rumors, gossip, and especially for those who like to watch my every move on something as lame as facebook/twitter, here’s the truth straight from MY mouth:

with that being said, family and friends — I am in love — with a girl.

:: now would be the time to sit back & take in what I’ve just said for a moment ::

[NAME EDITED] has been a part of my life for a very long time. She’s the very best friend I have ever had in my life and she’s one person I could always count on NO matter what. She’s everything I’m not and brings out the best in me. I have never met a more beautiful person, inside and out. She’s everything I could ever ask for in a significant other. She would do anything to keep a smile on my face, and in the worst of times, she always has. We’ve seen each other through so many definitive trials that life has thrown us, but through it all we’ve always had one another. I love her because I can be myself with her, and she knows the REAL me. She was patient with me when she knew I wanted to be with her but was afraid of what the world would say or think. She’s helped me to accept the fact that not everyone is going to agree with who I am, and the life I lead. But, it’s always been her there to show me the brighter side of things. She has always accepted me. When I was a mess and broken, she held her hand out for me. When I was off complaining about some stupid boy who wasn’t worth my time – she was always there with open arms and listened to what I had to say. I’m lucky enough to call her not only my best friend, but the girl I love. I’m going to spend the rest of my life with her. I truly believe God has a soulmate for everyone, and whether you find them early or late in life does not matter, but I was blessed enough to have her here in front of me for eight years of our beautiful friendship. Our friendship has grown into something that most girls dream about but never experience. This girl knows me to the depths of my heart and back, and still she looks at me as though I’m flawless. I could never convey in words how beautiful I feel when she looks into my eyes. Whenever I’m with her I feel like I can do anything. She makes me so incredibly happy and she saw a strength in me when I was at my weakest. No one has ever taken the time to get to know and understand me completely like she has.

& friends, whether it’s gay or straight— if that’s not love, I’m not sure I know what is anymore. I’ve been through so much in my life but THAT to me is the most untouchable emotion that any two people could ever share. She keeps my faith in humanity going. I understand it may be different from what you know or how you were raised but I will tell you this… To me, IT’S REAL. It’s true. & I can only hope that you someday feel for someone the way I feel for her. I cannot even express how much I love her. Those who know us say we’re in our own little world when we’re together. It’s incredible and unconditional, and we are meant to be in love. There is no doubt in my heart or mind that this is who God intended me to be and this is who He has blessed me with. And whether you agree or not, HE STILL LOVES ME. I believe in that, strongly and I will never let go or lose sight of that. She reminds me everyday of how thankful I am of God for showing me that it’s okay to be who you are. Gay, straight, bi, lesbian, black, white, hispanic, blue, purple, or polka-dotted… You shouldn’t be ashamed of who you are just because society deems it immoral or against a certain faith. No one has ever loved me like this before and I’m not about to let that go because of someone’s judgement or harsh words.

So, there it is. What’s been going on in my life for the last year or so. I’ve been struggling with who I really am. It took me awhile, but I found myself. And it is only when you find, know, accept and love yourself can you share that with another human being. I found my soulmate when I stopped being afraid of the world. I’m a young woman, an artist and a writer, I like to laugh til I cry, I love my family and friends, I’m gay and I go to church. My girlfriend and I love God, and that’s unlike any relationship I have ever been in. We’ve been through so much but share so much faith. Perhaps you can take my story and apply it to your own life. My only hope is that my vulnerability can encourage you to start your own path of discovery. Don’t be afraid of who is going to accept you or not. You will experience something so much more rewarding when you admit it to yourself, let alone to your entire facebook list of friends. I already know the people in my life accept me for who I am, and who I love. Honestly the people who already know have been the most supportive and undersanding of my relationship and whether you, reader, will join those people or not, that’s what I have to keep me going.

God bless your journey, friend.

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One comment on ““I’m not going to appease you by becoming someone other than who God intended me to be.”

  1. That was a very beautiful story. It’s so nice to see/hear about someone finding who they truly are and not being afraid to show it to the world. It’s people like this that give me hope for our future.

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