My first year of high school wasn’t beautiful. To this day I don’t like high school and I especially don’t like the idea of high school. What made me think of high school was this professor in my Fitness class. He said to me, “McClatchy grad?” I simply responded with a “yes.” The professor continued the conversation and asked how it was going there, and I lied. I said, “It’s not that bad, I don’t recommend going there though.” He seemed a bit shocked by my response and thinking about it now it seems like an odd response, but then again I had no interest in talking about high school.
I began to think about every single thing that happened and it was sort of this nostalgic rush that made me feel sick. I was trying to block it out with the sound of music and the adrenaline of working out. It still crept in my mind.
Freshmen year was a whirlwind. I didn’t know how to use makeup, I didn’t know how to dress, and labels were obviously important. On top of that, I was judged by some of peers for hanging out with everyone. I just wanted to be friends with everyone. I started to write to channel my feelings with music as my backbone, and it surely helped.
By the time I was a sophomore, I suffered from anxiety and depression. The cherry on top of it all was my father started using again and it got worse fast. I. Hated. It. Everything about it. I felt trapped and silenced, but to this day I thank God for the power of music and the relief it gave me. It genuinely was my backbone. At the end of sophomore year, I lost a friend because another friend of my mine was ruthless when it comes to keeping her relationships separate. I don’t know why, but I picked one over the other and why I did is beyond me. As sophomore year came to a close and junior year began it was just a really dark time. I remember wanting to be homeschooled so badly. I stayed home pretending I was sick (there were actual times that I was sick). I dropped my honors English course, I lost even more friends, I ended up getting bullied by someone whom I thought was my best friend for stepping up and telling the truth, and the list goes on. Finally senior year came and life was somewhat great. I was in a relationship, my friendships were going strong, and I was an editor for my school’s newspaper. By December 2013 I realized that I was not going to hang out with people I did not like. I focused more on my grades, got a job, and focused on my writing. High school finally came to a close, and I was more than happy to get out of there. We just didn’t get along. What’s perfect is that my senior quote was a lyric from Paramore’s song “Grow Up”, and it is, “We get along for the most part, me and reality, the light and the dark, and we live alone, two different worlds me in a fantasy, you in your memories, but we get along ..”. “Grow Up” pretty sums up how I feel about high school, just because I didn’t like it, I still had to go because I needed a high school education.
Fast forward to now. I’m 18-years-old currently attending Sacramento City College to get my general requirements done, and I would like to transfer with an AA degree to CSUSF. I’m majoring in journalism and a minor in music. Someday I’m going to work for a music publication, travel the world, eventually be a roadie for Warped Tour, and maybe even work for a record label. Who knows.
I feel like I can take on the world, and I’m excited. I feel strong and independent. The purpose of this is to show that there is a light at every tunnel, and expressing myself through music and writing helped me tremendously. I still have anxiety and depression, but it is not as bad as it was. High school was difficult but it taught me a lot about myself. It feels good to look back and see how truly far I’ve come already.