Writing like this reminds me of when I was younger, a time when I was naïve, happy, and full of ignorant bliss. However, I feel like it’s the perfect format to use this time around because although it is a different situation, I feel some kind of bliss again, and it’s because things seem to be looking up for me. Finally. I never thought I would say that. Throughout my life, I’ve always lived in this black and white spectrum; the far away good side that was bright and warm, and the constant dark side that was cold and lonesome. I always found myself stuck in the dark end of the spectrum, struggling with every inch of my life and always trying to look for the easy way out. But suddenly, I find myself embraced by the light, the warmth of good things and positivity surrounding me. I have found a positive place in my head that I refuse to let go of; a place that I refuse to leave to go back to the dark again.
This is the first time in my life that I have ever felt this way, I truly want and feel like I deserve to be happy. There’s a whole culmination of things that are allowing me to finally feel this way and the fact that these things are actually going in the right direction and working for me are the reasons why I finally feel like I’ve found this sort of bliss. I was accepted to my first choice college to transfer to after I graduate from community college next month. This was the first step because from the moment I stepped onto the campus, I felt happy, safe, and like I had found a second home. I finally realized who truly cared about me in my life and I have surrounded myself with those positive people, removing the ones who had been toxic and kept me in that dark place. I have started to take more notice of my health, both physical and mental. I have started going to the gym, which brings me joy as I see the different changes within my body and I have started regularly taking my medicine, which allows me to be stable and not allow my Bipolar to take control of my life.
While I have the positives in my life, there will always be negatives. You can’t live a life without having some sort of struggle, which in my case is currently financials. However, I will not allow the negatives to take control of me anymore. I will remain positive and embrace the good side for as long as I possibly can.