Continuing Life

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By the time you read this, I’ll be twenty one and a (community) college graduate. (Since this post will be posted five days after graduation and on my actual birthday.) Saying that leaves me with a mix of a million emotions. As I sit here, typing this into my phone at around two in the morning, I can’t think of anything but the kid I was five years ago.

As I’ve mentioned in my previous posts on this site, I’ve dealt with a lot of shit in my past. Between self harm and multiple suicide attempts, I never in my wildest dreams thought I would make it to this day. I never thought I would live to see my eighteenth birthday. I never thought I would make it to see my high school graduation, let alone my college one. I find myself in disbelief that I made it this far. As shocked as I am, I am proud of myself. Life is never easy, and it never will be. I’m reminded of it every single day of my life. Whether it’s emotional distresses that are found within my path or physical ones, I’ve always managed to surpass them, even if it was deemed impossible. I have had constant people who have told me I would never amount to anything, whether or not it was actually told to me or portrayed through the emotions that were shown to me. I have had teachers tell me that my attitude on life will keep me back from becoming what I want to be. I have people who think that the holes and ink in my skin will end up screwing me over in the long run. I have had people come in and out of my life because they weren’t able to handle me or we just weren’t on the same path in life. The only person who has truly been there for me has been myself all along and as I sit here, smoking my second cigarette in the past five or ten minutes, I can be nothing but proud of myself. I have surpassed everyone, even my own, expectations of myself. I graduated community college with a degree in education, something no one thought I would try to achieve. I got into one of the best schools in my state, something again, people thought I couldn’t do. I have realized that my goal in life is to prove people that I am capable of accomplishing more than what they think I can and it makes me happy. It makes me happy because I am able to do so many great things, while others just try to bring others down.  I am a strong and determined young woman, and I am able to accomplish whatever I put my mind to, even if things get into my way. Today, I celebrate my twenty first year on this planet. I have been on this earth for seven thousand, six hundred and seventy days. I have accomplished so many things, even if they are as minuscule as getting out of bed on the morning. I can’t wait for the next twenty one years, so I can accomplish so much more.

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