It’s hard to deal with such intense feelings of hopelessness and such intense feelings of joy at the same time.
But I can tell you these things, surely. These little tidbits discovered in the valley:
The word despair means to lose hope; but oh my dear friends is the beauty of Finding powerful. When you’ve lost something and you become desperate enough to find it, suddenly it begins to show up where you least expected it. Things that once held no significance now do. Perhaps the best part of the Worst Thing (that is, depression) is that you gain appreciation for things most people find silly or mundane.
There’s always, always, always someone caring for you whether you see it not. I’ve heard the phrase “you’re not alone” a thousand times and oh, how I wanted to believe. But in these past several months I’ve gone from wanting to believing to seeing.
It gets better. The age old cliche. The words we so desperately cling to hoping they actually mean anything. But I can tell you with much personal experience that it does. It might not happen right away, it might takes months: but it improves. We get through things we could have never fathomed we’d get through.
You/we are strong as hell. we are men and women who are growing up in a generation marked by severe issues of hatred based on parts of ourselves we battle so much to accept. You’re continuing when it’d be so much easier not to.
it’s been one of the most difficult “seasons” of my life, but friends hear me say this because it matters so much: I am coming out gold. You are coming out gold.
I wish I had it in my spirit to share more, but I want to draw everyone’s attention to a resource that has meant a great deal to me these last months: Jamie Tworkowski’s If You Feel Too Much. Jamie is the founder of the non profit To Write Love on Her Arms (TWLOHA) and it has been such a massive force of light in my
life. Jamie and the team say it better than I ever could myself and these are the words I want to leave yall with today:
Rescue is possible. Hope is possible. This isn’t it for you. Your story isn’t over.