I’ve been told that it takes a lot for me to trust people, and they’re not wrong. I have this wicked guard up, that I only let a handful of people in. It’s not the person in particular, but it’s my way of preparing myself in case anything goes wrong. And by anything I mean all the lies, deceit, and the hurt.
In the course of my lifetime I’ve learned a lot, and it’s to not let a lot of people in, but recently I’ve been talking to a guy, and he’s not a bad guy. He’s actually quite nice, and I have yet to find anything wrong with him. There was nothing, up until something happened. It was brought to my attention that I should trust him, and that I could talk to him about pretty much anything. Well, I found out was that he was talking to someone that I happen to be pretty close with, and the person that I happen to be pretty close with was telling me all of this. I thought I was doing pretty good, and when this was brought up I was in awe. I took a step back, and I thought to myself, how can you tell someone to trust someone if this someone is telling you all these things. It just doesn’t make any sense to me, and for one it’s not fair. You can’t just tell someone with trust issues to trust someone. I felt like I was being hijacked, my anxiety was rising, and I felt uncomfortable. I was beginning to like this guy, and it sucked because it felt like he needed reassurance for me to get to know him.
Later, I did confront the situation to him, and he understood, but it just made me think. It made me think that maybe I should let people in more, and to an extent. Not a lot of people — just one at a time. Granted I know it’s going to take years, and years of practice. I’m still young, and I can’t stop myself from getting hurt; however, I can prepare myself.