Life Block

anxiety-2How do you get yourself out of a rut? Don’t ask me because I’m looking for that answer right now too. I’ve been stuck in a never-ending loop of non-existent emotion for the past month or so, and I honestly want out of it.
I don’t know what’s going on with my head anymore. For the first time in a long time, I have nothing to stress about. School is finally in order and starting five days from now (well, when this post will be posted). I have a job that I enjoy working at, and that also pays me well enough to be able to finally help my father pay some bills and buy food for the house. My boyfriend and I are in a much better spot after talking things out. I have people in my life that truly care about me, and I’ve cut out the toxic and stressful ones out. But, for some reason, I feel like I’m trapped in a never ending battle with my head that says that I should be worrying about everything and anything, even though I know that I don’t have to anymore, and I’m not sure how to get myself out of it.
Everyone tells me to try and do things that I enjoy to keep my head distracted, but instead, my mind decides to create new issues for me to deal with. And soon after that, I find myself either bored or stressed out beyond belief with tasks that I normally would be fine with. Driving is a hassle because I’m constantly worried my car is going to break down when there’s nothing wrong with it. I can’t go shopping anymore because I’ve had about five panic attacks in the past two weeks when I have gone because my body hates me and never wants to fit into anything. I have thoughts of things I would love to write down to share with people and to create short stories with. However, once the pen hits the paper, nothing wants to come out. I think what’s happening with me is writer’s block, but a real life form of it.
Life block. I have life block. I can’t think of anything I want to do with myself, and when I try, everything seems to fall apart. As a writer, a block is difficult to get rid of, you need a spark of creativity to help get you out of it. But, as a person stuck in life block, how do you get yourself out when nothing you ever do anymore entices you? How do you pull yourself from the dark crevices of your head to be able to enjoy the little pleasures in life that you used to love so much? I honestly couldn’t tell you. Maybe it’s part of growing older. Maybe I’m having a “quarter-life crisis” like I keep seeing on a bunch of different websites. Maybe I just need a change in my life. Maybe I just need to start focusing more and not allow my mental illness control my life anymore. I don’t know. Hopefully I’ll know sooner than later.

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2 comments on “Life Block

  1. I hope you manage to pull out of it soon and start to feel better. This sounds like a quite stressful place to be. Sending warm hugs, xx

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