My son’s Father and I have been split up for around two and a half years now. It was a rocky and tumultuous situation and the demise of our relationship was without a doubt the best thing for my son. Since our break-up we have had more than our share of ups and downs (mostly downs), but we reached our lowest point yet one week ago.
We will refer to him as Eric from now on to protect identities. Eric does not like paying child support. He has two other children from two other relationships that he has never consistently paid child support for and now my almost three year old is being caught up in his dead beat ways as well. I finally was able to track Eric down about six months ago. After well over a year and a half of searching and, with help from the court system, I was able to obtain an order to have child support garnished from his wages directly. That lasted all of three months before he decided to quit that job and wait tables in order to dodge the system to keep from paying child support for all three of his children. (the other moms have now obtained orders as well) When I realized what he was doing I confronted him and he told me he would pay me cash money for our son. This brings me to our last encounter.
Without going in to full detail, I’ll just tell you that Eric put his hands on me for the first time in about four years. He spit in my face and called me absolutely deplorable names of which include: whore and a racial slur. He also slammed my arm in the door of his house repeatedly. I have, since the incident, cut off all communication with my sons father. I have decided that being around his father is toxic for my son and have cut visitation. As we were not married Eric has no court order for visitation and I am listed as sole custodial parent. I have some guilt about this especially when my son asks to see his father but at the same time I feel like keeping my son away from his obviously abusive father is the best decision for right now.
I feel that if Eric was willing to attend classes for anger management and gain some coping skills for his anger I would probably be more willing to allow him to spend time with our son. He has however exhibited no desire to do so. I cannot with clear conscience allow him to spend time with our child alone until I feel like his anger will not be an issue. I am nervous and worried that if I did allow him to see our son that eventually he would turn his anger towards our son. I could not ever live with myself if something were to happen and i could have avoided it by being brave. The cycle of abuse is ugly. I am a victim of it myself as I’ve blogged about previously and I refuse to allow my child to ever feel the way I have.