I Thought Something Was Missing

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I thought something was missing
I remembered what it looked like and it was gone
Like some statuesque mirage
Haunting and teasing me the knowledge of its existence
Only to fade away into open, empty space
Or so I thought

I thought something was missing
Like a set of keys that were misplaced
And I looked everywhere for it
From the backseat of a lover’s car
To under my own bed
I double checked the boxes in my closet
To see if it was collecting dust

I thought something was missing
I tried retracing my steps to retrieve it
I asked myself,
“Did I leave it somewhere?”
“Did I sit it down and forget to it pick it before I left,
Like sunglasses on an vacant table of a quiet restaurant?”
“How could I be so careless with something so precious?”
“So necessary?”

I thought something was missing
After a while, I thought it was stolen
I was convinced that someone wanted it
And they didn’t have the decency and common courtesy to ask if they could borrow it
Apparently I was unaware of its Black Market value
What a considerable of cowardly audacity!
Why steal something that has no value?
Or so I thought…

I thought something was missing
Something sacred
Something promised
I was under the impression that it had to be received
Maybe if I worked hard enough for it
Possibly if I earned a certain level of status
I would be so worthy of it

I thought something was missing
To find it was front of me all along
Under my nose, I tripped over it
Causing my rose-colored glasses to fall off
And there it stood with dust and blood all over
Thanks to regret’s triplets: shoulda, coulda, woulda

I thought something was missing
But I realized everything I thought wasn’t there
All that I thought I needed to earn and/or attain
It was within me the entire time
No one ever told me where to start that journey
Nothing was missing
Nothing was broken

I thought something was missing
As if I was God’s cruel, little joke
But he was always there
Deep in the silence
Wind as the wind
Under the film of heartache and inadequacy
He was always there
Within me
Throughout me
To love me

I thought something was missing
But nothing ever was
And I was never alone
God was always within me
Waiting to be loved

*photo source

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