Stepping Out

image1(2)The familiar track of “Oceans” starts to play and as usual I am surrounded by my past, and it begs for my attention.

The times that I called upon His name, without expecting anything in return.

The times that I walked upon the water, without waiting for a clear, audible direction.

And you know what, at times, it’s been easy.

It’s been easy to forgive, forgo, forget the familiar and embrace the field.

But it’s in the quiet, small moments when my heart shudders at the idea of stepping out upon the water.

The daily decisions come at me without my permission and I am a woman, a woman lost at sea, knowing that I need to swim to shore…but I’m trembling in place for fear of what I’ll do, what I’ll say and how I’ll say it..

Will they understand?

But, is it about them understanding?

Should I fall backwards just to please others, or should I embrace the grace of the coming tide and let Jesus have His way in me?

Do I need their understanding?

Last time I checked… Jesus wasn’t telling me to exhaust myself for others, he didn’t even tell me to fix my own broken heart, so why do I feel the pressure of pleasing and pride myself over pathetic perfection?

Why?

In the grand scheme of things, I sit in my questions and I stop trying to answer them.

Because it is in the answering, when it all goes wrong, it is when I try to concoct a feeble solution, in the face of my fear…
When I lose my steady grip on things.

But He calls me out upon the waters every single day and I can’t become so complacent that I choose to avoid the obvious… I can’t just throw up my hands when the tide seems too high. I can’t just give Him my hard decisions and expect to leave him out of the daily ones.

God is the God of my good days and bad days, he is God of my right choices and my every last mistake.

He is the one that saw me through the darkness and brought me through the wild wilderness. He is the one that whispered for me to rise when my heart longed to stay underneath the covers, out of sight and out of the mind of others.

Yes, He was and is the one that keeps my feet moving and instead of adamantly acclaiming His absence and looking for reason, elsewhere… I need. I need to take His hand and follow, before I seek to understand.

He is calling me to walk upon the waters. I hear Him in the distance telling me to rise…

Photo Source: Kristen Main

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