Every day is a new day, just like every year is a new year. I wake up each and every day thankful for all the things I have. I go to school, I have a job, and I have a handful of individuals that love me.
Recently I have been struggling, and I feel like I’m enduring with this new wave of depression and anxiety. It’s hard, but I’m managing. The depression comes, and goes, but the anxiety is there. I can feel it. The anxiety is so heavy on my chest that it takes my breath away. I tell myself to breathe. I close my eyes, and remind myself that I am not going down like this.
Each, and everyday is a battle. I don’t want to become this sinking ship, but on gloomy Sundays it feels like it. I hate it. I feel alone with my thoughts, and I want to scream. My thoughts are of overthinking, and over analyzing a lot of things. When I’m at home I’ll distract myself by doing my homework or watching TV. My thoughts come crawling back in, and it’s there. I want to cry. I hold back the tears, and swallow them to make sure no one else knows I’m not okay. I close my eyes, and tell myself to breathe again. When I’m at school, I act like a regular person on the outside, but on the inside I’m scratching at the walls inside my mind.
When it passes I feel fine. I’m okay. I want to be okay, but I don’t know when I will ever be okay. There are days that I won’t be okay until I talk about it; however, there are days I don’t want to talk at all. It’s just talking about it only does something for so long. I’m trying to deal by taking it a day at time. It’s hard because then I become overwhelmed, and frustrated. I won’t become this sinking ship. I won’t stand for it. Overcoming this is an ongoing battle. I know it’s not a phase because it happens all the time. It comes in different forms. My anxiety and depression will always be apart of me. Every time I look back I see how far I’ve come. So why stop now?