Time to Let Go

breakup_in_the_cold_nov__rain__by_vreausaajunglastele

Sorry my posts have been so short lately. School has been crazy and I’m trying to maintain it. Well, really my life in general has been crazy! Between short weekend trips to Tuscaloosa for game days, maintaining straight A’s at school, being a mommy, working 30 hours a week, taking on more clients for makeup, and trying to not live in utter filth I feel like my head is spinning off most days. I would love to be able to tell you guys that nothing in my life has suffered but sadly, that is not the case. Two years no commitment and I have called it quits. For good this time.

                  I want to start by saying that this post is not intended to bash him in anyway. He has taught me more about life and my own self-worth than I ever would have realized on my own and for that, I will forever be grateful. That being said, I will say that even though he has lifted me, pushed me, encouraged me and brought me back to a place I left a long time ago, he himself has some serious work to do as a person.

                  I have struggled with trust issues for over three years now (thanks to my son’s father). Because of this, I snoop. Not like go through your phone or look in your drawers snoop but if I have a gut feeling about something I have to confirm it for myself. I can’t let it go. Well I started doing some serious Instagram creeping on two years no commitment. And I’m glad I did. I saw things I would have never imagined he would put me through. He was liking numerous girls’ photos constantly. When I say numerous, I mean like 50+ girls. He would also comment under their pictures asking them to check their direct messages, asking them to call him or text him. I was shocked. Numb. My chest tightened, my eyes filled with tears, I couldn’t breathe. I decided to watch for a couple weeks and I honestly wish I hadn’t. He kept on with this behavior, daily. So finally, I decided to confront him about this. I wasn’t irate. I wasn’t ugly. I approached the situation calmly and in the most mature way possible. What happened next was an even bigger shock. He became a different person. He was agitated, ugly, and mean. I was told that “we are not together”, “he does not have to answer to me”, and “I’m owed no explanations”. How could someone who I thought so highly of disappoint me in such a way? How could he not see his wrongdoings? How could he disrespect me so outright? I had to make a decision to walk away. As I’ve told you guys before I love this man. I have never loved anyone the way I love him. But for my own self-worth and self-respect I had to walk away. This is not the type of environment I want to allow myself to be a part of. This is not the type of environment I want to raise my son in. I’m hurting you guys. My heart is so hurt. I never imagined this situation turning out like this. I honestly thought we would make it, I thought I had found my one.

                  I’m trying to stay strong but it is very hard. I’m trying to remind myself that he is selfish. He is incapable of love. He is misguided. But I miss him so much.

Thanks for reading! Comment below if there’s any questions or anything you want to see me write about!

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