Do you ever fear the ordinary?
Winter is here and that means my winter break is just about over. I’ve been home for about 3 weeks and I’m about to have to move back into my dorm, which, I like to call Antarctica. It’s approximately 58 degrees Fahrenheit in there at any given time. Which, I’m sure is quite a bit warmer than Antarctica but dude, it’s cold in there. (First world problems, much? I’ve got a plethora.)
I’m not afraid of the cold, which I’m used to (and I’m bringing a portable heater back). I am mildly afraid of the same old, same old. Crawling back into that same bed after a hard day. Putting those same keys into the same pocket of my same worn backpack. Greeting the same residents and dealing with the same lock outs of last semester. There’s something terrifying about monotony. As if I could live the same day a hundred times and not notice. I’m envisioning a montage of my hand reaching for the same doorknob, over and over and over, every time wearing an assortment of different sweaters. Every time having the same look on my face, most of the time looking down at my phone in my other hand with headphones in my ears. Is this what I’ve become?
I’m not some monotonous monster, am I? I’ve got some variation in my life?
I said hi to a different resident? I stressed about someone else. I forgot something different in my room.
But wait, aren’t those just slightly altered variations of my habits? Amy Seimetz once said “If you’re constantly moving, you can get in a monotony that’s just as equally boring as sitting still for a long period of time.” And I’m trying to decide whether or not I agree with that. I think I do. I have this vivid routine that I follow like a train to its tracks. Any detour would be detrimental to my little society.
I’ve got to work on that 2016. I’ve been thinking about how much in my life could change if I just stepped off my path and looked up for a minute or two. The people I’d meet, the things I’d try. This might be a disaster but I’ll fill you in on how that goes.