I attract men, but not the “love story” type of men. As of recently, I have been gaining the attention of older men. It is extremely uncomfortable.
In high school, I never dealt with the insecurities of being a woman. I was never afraid of men, never was cat-called, and never were men attracted to me. I lived my life normally and I still do. In High school, is when I started experimenting with makeup and really did not express myself on social media as much as I do now.
When I entered college, that’s when I started noticing how much unwanted attention I was getting. It made me uncomfortable because I was so use to being myself and not worrying about who was watching me. That’s when I started using my Facebook more often to keep people updated about my college life and how I was getting involved on campus.
The first time anything ever happened, was my second semester in college. It was late at night and I was with my sister laying in our beds. I saw that I had a Facebook message and I rarely get Facebook messages. When I do receive messages, it is usually people who do not have my number or are not that close to me. I opened it and saw it was from my high school band director.
Yes, I was close with this band director, he gave me advice and helped me with a school project. However, from my point of view everything was professional. I would sit in his office with the door open and talk to him about my school project or I would stay after school for extra music lessons. Nothing more. Strictly professional.
So when I got that message, it didn’t phase me. It started off with a simple hello and asking me if I was related to a certain person. I told him I wasn’t because I did not recognize the name he had given me. That was the last message I sent to him. He continued the conversation by himself saying “Oh well, I’m here” followed with “Do what you please with me” attached with a winking emoji and along with “Within reason that is.” I never responded to those messages.
I was shocked. I didn’t know what to say or think. I didn’t know if he was drunk or not, but I just assumed he was because who sends that kind of message 3 a.m. I hated that he knew I was seeing these messages because he kept sending me messages of “why aren’t you responding?” and demanding me to reply.
I talked to my sister about it, we decided that maybe he was drunk, and he would regret those messages in the morning. The entire night I thought about it as he kept sending me “hellos” and “why aren’t you responding” finally stopping around 6 a.m. I was just to my sister as it was happening, how weird it was to get messages like that. She kept advising me to send something back along the lines of “if you want to talk to me, please talk to me during the day because I don’t appreciate what is happening here” and so I was going to but I decided maybe not, maybe only if he messaged me again.
I thought it was all over. However, I was afraid to go back to my High School in the fear of seeing him. I didn’t want to go to my high school band’s spring concert or see how the marching band was going because I was afraid he would hug me and whisper something into my ear. I avoided the high school and I still do because I still get random messages from him every now and then of “hellos” and “hi there” at odd hours of the night.
I feel as though if I were to respond to these messages it would only give him more validation to keep messaging me. I would absolutely hate if the situation got ugly. That is why I have been refusing to reply to him. Yes, I could easily block him but there are so many other ways I feel that he could get to me.
By doing nothing, I am doing something.
This band director has no right sending me messages at these hours of the night. If he truly was concerned about my well being and how I have succeeded through the years he would message me during the day, on a weekday. Just because I am no longer his student, it does not give him the right to think I would do something with him. Yes, I never asked what he meant but I do not believe it would have been innocent. I am protecting myself by not replying to him.