Thoughts @ the Train Stop

 

So I decided I wanted to derail my train and it’s been interesting.

I started my last semester of college 3 weeks ago and I’ve been busy, to understate it. I decided that Netflix/TV in general was eating up my free time and that would just not do, so I decided to stick to a strict only weekends regime. So, instead of watching 4 hours of Shark Tank a day, I decided to be productive in that time instead. Unfortunately, this restriction allowed for me to realize that I legitimately have no time to watch Netflix even if I wanted to. I’ve got about four thousand things to do each night. All of which that are incomplete at the end of the night get to rollover to the next day and stress me out then.

            I’m usually pretty good at time management. I leave time for fun stuff, school stuff, and basic maintenance. (You know, bathroom cleaning, nail doing, laundry.) Though, I found myself entirely consumed with school stuff. I mean entirely. I mean, I skipped laundry, I gave up on trying to keep my room clean, and I didn’t even look at my hands long enough to notice my nails. This, is a sign of stress in Bethany’s life. If Bethany’s recycling bin isn’t emptied then odds are Bethany is.

I’ve had so much to do that I’m even neglecting my mental health. (Surprise surprise)

So what’s the deal? Derailing my train was supposed to be a good thing, new experiences, right? So why did I end up wrecking per se?

I don’t have an answer to that, I truly don’t know. I do know that I need to make myself a priority. I find this crazy hard to do sometimes, even though I’m a selfish human being. I just have this unsatisfied desire to succeed so much so that things like eating complete meals and having clean clothes to wear fall down the list. Succeeding isn’t inherently a bad thing but there are different levels of success.

Sometimes success looks like completing your homework. Sometimes success looks like facing a fear. Sometimes success looks forgiving somebody that hurt you. Sometimes success does NOT look like setting myself up to fail. And that, is what I’m learning.

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