This Is What I Want for You

I want you to strictly remove yourself from the negative spotlight of others & finally let yourself be, without heeding desperate demands.

I want you to be still without frantically rushing to tend to the busyness calling your name, without asking for your permission.

I want you to really try this time to not pay attention to your closest critics and walk onward, because you deserve more than this.

I want you to forgo reason and embrace risks.

These are the things my heart wants for you, dear woman of 28, whose heart has bore the scars of utter heartache and who has walked out of the trenches of depression. Dear woman, you have always been older than your years, but parts of you have continued to possess the age of a little girl. Because you used to clam up when it came to conflict…you would run as though running were a natural instinct, yes, you would run and hide, before admitting that something was wrong, that something wasn’t being kept in its perfect place. And running well, it was your way of coping. You hid yourself away from the loves that would have given everything to know what was keeping you awake at night, because you were afraid. You were afraid of coming clean. Because coming clean would make it apparent that you didn’t have all the answers, that you, too, were weary of trying. It would seem that you couldn’t keep up.

But now you are woman and girl all at the same time, you’ve learned your lessons of loves leaving without your permission, you’ve readied yourself for battle so many times and you have steadied your weak knees on a God, who is much more capable than you ever were, than you ever will be.

Life is more than coping these days and you find yourself telling your story without qualms, and as you tell your story…you learn from it. You learn that God was indeed in your midst when you thought you were braving the bitter life, alone. You learn that seasons of waiting and chaos had to be your keepers for a time, because you wouldn’t be who you are today, without those seasons.

The strength you possess now rose out of your ruins, your goodbyes, your loves lost, your uncertainty, your doubts, and your gut-wrenching pain. And don’t you for a second discount who you are today or think of who you would have been if you had a braver start.

There is no would be. There is only one life and you lived it, sure maybe not always at your best, but you lived it as you were meant to have lived it, following the arrows that God placed in your path…and yes, maybe you strayed, maybe you second guessed yourself along the way, but every misstep, every last mistake, God was there. He wasn’t there to chase you down and demand your return before curfew, He wasn’t even there to chide you, child. But He was there to take you in His arms, frail as you were, at any hour.

You are who you are for all your past mistakes and all your past pain.

And the world will wrestle and tell you that you have the right to bear your arms, but dear one, life is worthy of your surrender.

Photo Source: Kristen Main

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