What I Have Here Is Failure To Communicate

Over the past half of a year I was reaching out to someone who I had I great feeling of wanting to communicate with. I was sharing and opening up and getting very little of anything (verbal/emotional/educational) back in return. It took me the six months to realize that what I had going on was a failure to communicate. I was forcing and expecting something that just can not be forced nor expected.

I have traveled much and met many amazing and extremely interesting people, of all walks of life. I have submerged myself in their cultures, families, lifestyles, to learn and grow. As I look back I see I felt I was learning about them, however in the whole of it I was truly learning about myself.

We can extend a hand, yet it does not mean it will always be taken. Now though my hand has been taken many times and I  have walked this life with many fascinating people, not every one I have met was willing to take my hand, and vice versa. And I could feel that this person was not willing to take my hand, yet they put something INTO my hand: a gift called self-awareness.

When I google the meaning of ‘self-awareness’ it brings up the Oxford Dictionaries meaning, which it states is the ‘conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires: The process can be painful but it leads to greater self-awareness.’
Yes the realization that what I was putting out was not being reciprocated was a painful realization but it did lead to a greater self-awareness, a greater self-appreciation, and the reminder that you cannot force something that naturally is not meant to be, ie. friendship, love, talent, etc.These things must come with the natural flow of life.
However I had questions now for myself. So I consulted the I-Ching. The I-Ching is a Chinese book of ancient origin consisting of 64 interrelated hexagrams along with commentaries attributed to Confucius. The hexagrams, originally used for divination, embody Taoist philosophy by describing all nature and human endeavor in terms of the interaction of yin and yang. Also called Book of Changes. (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/I+Ching)
Upon consulting this book I came upon Hexagram 24, which stands for ‘Returning’ and has the words as follows:
‘Returning, creating success.
Going out, coming in, without anxiety.
Partners come, not a mistake.
Turning around and returning on your path.
The seventh day comes, you return.
Fruitful to have a direction to go.’
The meaning I inferred, from this I-Ching Hexagram, was that the journey of life always will take me through many turning points, very similar to a labyrinth, and this friendship was leading me out of my comfort zone in many ways but it would eventually return me back home with knowledge and a stronger and healthier understanding of myself and relationships with others.
If I took small moments to sit in quiet contemplation over the situation, vigor and authenticity would being returning to my life, similarly as life regenerates from the roots, and light returns to the dark. By walking constantly to and from my source of my being, I am participating in the two-way flow of creation. I go out to rediscover my own way; I return through an open door to my own home and relationships. This is living motion, like breathing, that revitalizes and restores all of us. Being relaxed and spacious about what I could not control, I was allowing time for my path’s natural meanderings, and I would stop creating the resistance I was feeling.
As a human being, I am naturally always in motion, and helpers of all kinds will enter my life – traveling companions who walk alongside me for a while. A simple explanation of this hexagram is that if someone is meant to be a part of my life, I will never need to leave my path to chase after them. Just as any road can be traveled in two directions, my path also will lead me many times both out and back again, and so – in the fullness of time and following a natural progression – there comes a moment to turn round, to go home, and upon doing so I would feel the fruitfulness of the situation, reflect on what I had gained and I would find my new direction.
This moment in time had come for me to return home to myself, my family and my home (my support and healing center).  It was time to stop investing my energy and love into a friendship that was not naturally following its own progression. Now that does not necessarily mean that that particular friendship may not ever develop, in many ways there has been a foundation built on my end, and I could of built the entire house and even have left the front door unlocked. Yet if the other person was not ever going to hang a picture on this wall of friendship, it would merely be an empty and very lonely abode.
The lesson, however, was built into that foundation, and it was a lesson telling me that the quality of Returning is alive, growing and dynamic – and so am I. I am alive. I am growing. I am dynamic. And those who are meant to walk with me in this life will do just that, walk with me without force and holding my hand.
photo source

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