Wondering Heart

Sometimes I think we hype ourselves up from overthinking and think that we aren’t doing enough, that we aren’t enough…when the only thing He asks of us is to love more deeply, to open the doors of our hearts and homes a little wider. Sometimes the greatest risk is to be real, confront the crowds telling you anything different, and get scary close.

It’s about coming clean with the failures and fears, writing off old wounds with words of healing, it’s about recognizing that “enough” is outdated. Because God became enough before we graced this side of Heaven.

I wonder how many times we dig our heels into the hiking trail, a few tenths of a mile out from reaching the end of our climb. How many times we slow down at the end of a race or just tell ourselves two more miles is two, too many. I wonder how many times we relive heartache and settle for our past when new love and hope are on the horizon. I wonder how many times do we tell ourselves, it’s too good to be true…

You and I. Yes, we are our own worst enemies. When life seems fraught with frustration we tend to lay down for fear of the unknown. We tend to rethink all of our almosts and settle for the closest things to come by, we settle for the okay amidst the outstanding His abundant life has to offer. We settle, because we think somewhere along the way we failed to meet and/or exceed His expectations. We settle, because we have had years to perfect the art of settling, for fear that there’s nothing more.

I wonder what it’s going to take.

Because as I pour out these words onto electronic pages they seamlessly find true meaning on my stoic device, but when it comes time to acknowledge them on a greater, personal scale, it’s a battle. It’s as though I’m preaching to a choir, a choir where every seat is taken by the likes of me, a choir of twenty-eight chairs, one for every year of my life. On good days, I’m sure I listen.

On the not-so-good, it’s as though I set out to sail on foreign seas, where the words written by me, seem unfamiliar and entirely unknown.


God is the one who delves into despair with me, the one who makes sense of my mess, the one who calls me out of chaos, the one who calms the seas and walks upon the waters. He’s the one that has been and always will be enough.

He’s the one that delicately drew up my dreams from scratch and knew that my crazy calling would turn heads, it would beckon being questioned, but the feeling of all being right in the world would be His work. It would all be His doing.

I can’t claim victories. I just can’t.

Because I’m just a girl who has spent years living in fear and at times, just coping with life out from under the covers. I’m just a girl who said a two minute prayer begging for more, a prayer, that ended up being more than I could have ever asked for.

I’m just a girl.

But thankfully He is more than just God.

He is my reason, my first love, my desire.

And He saw something in me.

And God sees something in you, too.

Photo Source: Kristen Main

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