I’m graduating college in a month. One month until I won’t be a student for the first time in almost my entire life.
People keep asking me if I’m ready or excited and most of my counterparts are. I suppose to some extent I’m excited just because I’ll be starting a new phase of my life. I’m ready to cook food and decorate, you know, adult stuff. I’m not ready to buy insurance and pay bills.
Another part of me feels kind of gipped. Being a three year graduate, everyone pretends to be jealous, but they are not in my shoes. (Which, coincidentally, are falling apart and look terrible but offer an air of comfort that makes me put them on every day.) They don’t actually know what it’s like to have life thrust upon them at twenty. I’m only a fourth of the way into life and yet, the path I take now will define the next three fourths of my life.
I keep comparing myself to others and thinking, well, maybe I should go to grad school, since, you know, other people are doing it. Or maybe I should get married, that seems to be hip right now? It’s also hip to buy cars you can’t afford, have children you’re not ready for, and just generally take leaps of faith.
If I were in one of those movies where the girl takes the spontaneous road trip and discovers her true self, I think even then, I’d be confused. Besides, I don’t have what it takes to be spontaneous and go crazy. I’m more a plan and make strategic decisions type of person. Looking back, in times of high stress, when needing to make big decisions, I’ve pretty much just always picked something and never looked back until it was too late.
I did that with my college, my major, and that has turned out pretty well for me. Maybe high stress is what I need? In a month, I’ll make a decision, and then I’ll see what happens. Is it as simple as that?