Illusions of Adulthood

Though April started with All Fools’ Day, it has been no joke. The moment I left Texas to go back to college effectively ending my spring break, the crushing reality of responsibility hit me square in the chest. I had a test, paper, quiz, article review and a project due all in the same week. Spring break although lovely, was really only a tease of a break for me. Going home was incredibly nice, I got to see some of my younger cousins and spent time with my mom and grandma for a whole week. But now that I’m back I’m longing to go back because as I like to say to my friends, being an adult is HARD. At 20 I feel like the loosest definition of an adult. I’m still sad to get up anytime before 9 yet my alarm clock rings as 7 and class starts at 9:30. I have one of the worst sleep schedules, because in all reality, it does not exist. Some days I’m in bed by 10pm other days it’s 4am  and more frequently than I’d like to admit, I don’t go to sleep at all, meaning I take a nap in the middle of the day. Some days I have the hardest time self motivating which causes me to get behind on things.

While my friends consider me to be a put together person who has very little negative going on in their life, the reality is that I have my own internal struggles in addition to all of the outside problems that seem to pop up such as failed tests or my loved ones struggling. As you can see I have plenty of my own problems as well, I’m just really good at making it seem like everything is fine even though I feel like I have so much to do I might drown. What I’m trying to get at here is that even though people around you may look like they have everything all together, no one ever really does. Life can be hard, messy and sometimes more complicated than the most ridiculous TV drama, which is something even I have to keep in mind when life seems to take the most ridiculous twist and turns. So this month I’m trying to keep in mind that I’m nowhere near perfect, that no one is and that perfection is an impossibility. With finals and the end of the semester coming up, it’s incredibly easy for me to look at my friends and assume that they have everything together while I’m struggling but in reality we’re all sort of scrambling to do what we have to do. At the end of the day everyone has their own things going on in their lives. I hope this month is a month that everyone learns to give themselves a little slack while also stopping comparisons between themselves the people around them because as an outsider you never know what someone’s dealing with.

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