I recently reconnected with a friend and as she opened up to me about her breakup with her long-time boyfriend, it caused me to recall my experiences of past broken relationships.
I have been married – quite happily – for almost eight years, and most of my friends are happily married as well. Because of that, I don’t often think about the harsh realities of breaking up with someone you love and with whom you may have made future plans. I found myself, in talking to my friend, thrust back into the world of uncertainty that comes with dating, wanting to be married, and planning a life with someone.
Breakups are hard.
It took a few years for me to fully get over the last breakup I went through, and although I wanted to tell my friend that her recovery would come quickly – that just isn’t true. When she asked my advice, I told her to allow herself to feel the pain of losing someone she loved. I told her that with the separation will eventually come clarity. I told her that sometimes, we can love someone intensely – even when that person isn’t right for us. And that loving him and recognizing the need to move on from him are not mutually exclusive.
It will take a while, but eventually she will find that this person she thought she couldn’t live without has quietly faded into the background. And when he does, someone new will step in and take his place. Hopefully someone better. Hopefully someone ready for all of who she is and what she has to offer.
If you are going through a breakup, hang in there. It will get easier. It will become less and less painful. And you will, eventually, recover and move on.
Just hang in there.