Independence has become a dominant factor in my personality. I have always done things on my own, some people may even call me the “lone-wolf”. (No one calls me that). Occasionally, I do enjoy the company of others. It’s nice to have someone to talk with about anything. However, as the independent person that I am, I am still my own number one go-to person when facing problems that force me to step outside of the box.
Recently, I started casually dating someone, his name is Chance. The way we met was a little random, out of the blue sort of thing. Granted, all of freshmen year, I had always seen Chance around. Chance is the type of guy that stands out, especially since he’s known for dying his beards different colors.
Finally, after two years of seeing this man with a colored beard walk around campus we met…
It was after lunch, Chance came up and very directly asked for my number. I love when people are straight to the point, because I then can also be straight to the point. I gave him my number, we went on a date and hung out, went on another date and hung out, and now we’re here, in the present.
It’s been so long since I’ve casually dated or was even remotely interested in someone. I am not used to the presence of someone else in my life that may actually want a relationship with me. I am not used to making plans with someone and then actually hanging out with them.
If I want to do something, I usually do it. I never would have someone to tag along, so this experience is new to me.
On Wednesday, during lunch, he came up to me in the food court. We had made no plans to see each other nor did we know the other was there. We just casually saw each other. That to me is normal. I was doing my own thing and he was doing his own thing and we just happen to cross paths. It was very normal and that made me happy.
However I’m beginning to think my independence has been affecting my feelings for Chance. When I ran into him on Wednesday, I asked if I was going to see him again later that day (since we usually hang out on Wednesday) and he said no and that he was going to be busy later that day. 80% of me was relieved (10% of me said nap time and the other 10% was a little bummed). I then asked if I was going to see him on the weekend and he said no again. Again, I was relieved because I could leave and visit my family that lives close by.
In my head, I’m thinking that I should want to see him but that’s not what I am thinking.
I am thinking about all the things I could do instead of see him.
All the things I could get done while I have my alone time.
As a student, I have assignments and as a student leader on campus, I have responsibilities to attend to. I don’t understand how others can balance a relationship and school at the same time while also having a job on the side or any other obligations.
Is this what dating as an adult is like? Occasionally seeing the person and going on dates around your normal schedule because if so… I like it.
Independence is great, I have no one holding me back saying that I have other things to do or other plans that need to be made. I am in control of my life…when my mentality feels like cooperating. Being a busy bee, for me at least, let’s me put aside any worries that I have.
I am not constantly worry if Chance likes me or not. I am not constantly wondering when I am going to hear back from him. The only thing I need to worry about is what I need to get done, how it is going to get done, and when it’s going to get done.
Past relationships were never like this, my independence has really shaped me and it is pretty great way that I’ve kept control of my life. To have a dating life,where it’s so easy to schedule around my studies and work is quite refreshing rather than having to worry about someone else.