I’ve got a bad habit of looking ahead to the next step without fully taking into account where I am at the moment. It’s a bit like standing on a stone in the middle of a pond and looking forward to see a rickety bridge you’re going to cross but not actually thinking through how you’re getting across the pond. You end up taking a step forward and often regretting your decisions. (Complete with wet socks and disappointment.)
Only in England for five weeks now and I barely understand how the currency works. I don’t know Celsius conversions, yet, here I am thinking about what readjusting to life in the states is going to look like 11 months from now. Where is my head these days? All the way across the ocean, that’s where.
There are so many things I haven’t done here yet, so many things I intend on doing. So many things God is going to do through me and I’m stressing about what the American job market is going to look like. On top of the fact that I have priorities over here to take care of, I’m not as in control as I think I am. I have this reoccurring dream that I’m trying my hardest to drive my car from the backseat and for whatever reason am unable to just climb in the front and take the wheel.
This isn’t a far cry from how I try to treat God. I get in the backseat and I’m a willing passenger. Though, as soon as we start moving and I can’t see where we’re going, I try to rip control out of God’s hands, futilely.
I just took some pictures for the cover of this blog and when I looked in the Camera Roll the location was titled “Home” – England. This is my home. I love it here. I’m going to cherish every moment. I truly don’t want control of where things are going because I am fully capable of driving myself into the ground.