Not every week is going to be a good one.
So simple, yet, so difficult to grasp.
Recently, I had a couple of less fortunate, disappointing, plain bad weeks in a row. This is almost to be expected when you think about moving to a new country, being out of school for the first time in your life, being away from family, and struggling to pick up a new culture. Not to mention that it’s been my version of winter here for the past 2 months and will continue to be probably for my entire time here.
In the past few years I’d like to think I’ve gotten better, just in general. I was talking to a friend about this the other night and he said he definitely saw improvement in the three years he’s known me. Though, he’s mainly referring to the full blown feminist I’ve evolved into and just how much more aware I am of the privilege I had that I’ve done nothing to deserve.
I’d like to think that I’ve also gained some knowledge from gaining a college degree, working several jobs, you know, that sort of real life experience. I’m basically the 21st version of myself. Like God is updating me every once in a while which sometimes requires that I restart or shut down for a while. I.e. Bethany needs alone time or Bethany will now sleep for twelve hours.
Though, sometimes those updates come with glitches or you miss the old version. You normally can’t undo what’s been done. (At least not without a complicated process and effort.) The same goes for me, for us, as people. Sometimes something we experience has permanent effects on us that we didn’t click Agree or OK on. There are no terms and conditions to life. We’re just born into it without any consent.
You might have some cool bonuses like tattoos or glasses and piercings. You might have a tragic backstory that adds to your experiences and alters the way you see things. You might feel like nothing of consequence has happened yet. Just you wait. I might have said the same thing 2 or 3 years ago. And here I am. A Bethany 21.0 who is learning to love herself a little more every day. Even though those bad weeks happened and I’m sure they left their mark in my code. I’m working to make the next day better than the last, even if I’m working with no terms and conditions.