What Gives?

About a year ago, I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do next with my life. Now, a year later, it would appear as if I’m in the same position. If I asked some, they’d say it was time for me to be a wife. And honestly, a part of me thinks that’d make a beautiful addition to my life. Which, I’ve built, partially, to be something worth looking at, something to envy. And partially, that’s a lie, because I know I’d be nowhere if God wasn’t using me.

I try to be someone who’s passionate in all they do and friendly. I don’t want to step on the people around me in order to win some kind of trophy. A trophy that represents success and honor, safety and security. Not the kind of trophy you place on your mantel or Facebook, no. The kind of trophy that a lot of people can feel, in the form of an adjacent serenity. They like to be around you because you exude this sort of soft glow.

That’s what I thought I wanted. I can see that shade looking good on my cheeks. Though, I didn’t know how much is costs until the debt collectors taunted. They’d knock on my door, in my email, and be on the phone for weeks. When you have something different, you’re now suddenly of interest to people who previously avoided you like a bad smell. They might think you don’t notice but there’s actually a big tell.

Try asking one of these people, what gives? Why are you hanging around when you previously were too busy to care? They’ll either come straight out and provide you with some great explanation of how “you’ll have to forgive, but you’re really just someone who gives off great air.” Or they’ll scoot around the answer and say, ”I was just trying to be nice but hey, if you don’t want me around, I’ll just leave!” And then it’ll be up to you to do whatever you believe.

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